You are what you eat, but you are also who you associate with. A person who eats fast food every day is more likely to have health issues than someone who eats fresh, organic fruits and vegetables and avoids fatty foods with saturated fats and preservatives. A person who drinks water instead of carbonated drinks is going to be less susceptible to heart disease, aging, will have a stronger immune system, and numerous other health benefits. Same goes for who you spent most of your time with. Spending time with good, moral people manifests good, moral experiences and things. Associating with bad, toxic, unethical people manifests bad, toxic, unethical experiences and things. 

Loving and investing time in abusive people and staying in relationships that make you unhappy and cause you stress are as toxic to your health as fast food or hazardous waste. Being in a negative relationship puts you at higher risk of developing heart problems (such as a fatal heart attack) than those in healthy relationships. For women, like myself, that have been or are in relationships with high levels of conflict have high blood sugar levels, high blood pressure, physical wounds, slow wound healing, and high rates of obesity.

In my book (that I am still working on) I talk about my health when I was in the height of my toxic relationships. Between the ages of 18-25, I experienced the following: 

High blood pressure

150/110 

Obesity 

Peak weight was 204 pounds 

High pulse rate 

Racing heart 

Broken bones 

Broken fibula 

Broken foot 

Frequent Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) 

Relentless Head Colds (i.e. Upper Respiratory Infections) 

Chronic Fatigue 

I can keep going. Studies show being in toxic relationships keep the human body in fight-or-flight mode, which leads to fatigue, a weakened immune system, and organ damage. More often than not, when I was in abusive relationships (both platonic and intimate) I felt fatigued after stressful situations. I suffered from pesky head colds from the time I was a child all the way through adulthood, and I have organ damage, as well. I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis (IC) in 2017 after suffering with bladder issues since the age of 18. 

My IC diagnosis is significant because I know I developed the bladder condition because of abuse (i.e. staying in toxic relationships). Empirical data show a higher proportion of patients with IC report a history of abuse. Sexual, physical, and emotional abuse are reported by a higher proportion of patients with IC. One study showed 76 women diagnosed with IC were evaluated, of whom 49% reported a history of abuse. Of those reporting abuse 92% reported emotional abuse, 78% reported physical abuse, 68% reported sexual abuse and 49% reported domestic violence.

When you are involved with toxic personalities, you do not feel well; therefore, you cannot attract in things that make you feel well. Ever had a lump in your throat or your stomach from being nervous? That is how jealousy, worry, guilt, hate, anxiety, nervousness, and anger feel when it is so strong that it manifests into physical ailments. You become bitter and bitterness makes you angry and anger makes you fearful and all of these emotions translate into physical illnesses, such as interstitial cystitis, sprains, obesity, viral infections, insomnia, foot problems, upper respiratory problems, and more.

I want you to stop what you are doing right now and take inventory of the people around you. Think about who you spend most of your time with. Choose 5 people. Now, take inventory of who they are through taking the following survey. These questions will help you to gauge their character. 

Does he/she use drugs? 

Does he/she binge drink? 

Does he/she treat you with respect? 

Have you ever been hurt (physically or emotionally) by this person? 

Does he/she speak negatively to you? 

Does he/she thrive on your bad news? 

Does he/she thrive on your good news? 

Does he/she work? 

Does he/she have a college degree? 

Is he/she enrolled in an educational program? 

Does he/she steal? 

Do you consider he/she to be a moral person? 

Do you trust him/her? 

Would you leave this person alone with your significant other overnight? 

Does this person constantly pressure you to do things you do not want to do? 

Would this person support you if you accomplished massive success? 

If you are close to your parents, do your parents like this person? 

If you have a pet, does your pet like this person? 

Do you feel like this person is jealous of you? 

Do you act like you are fine when you are not fine? 

Does this person scare you? 

Pay close attention to your answers. If your answers look like this, get rid of the person. 

Yes 

Yes

No

Yes

Yes

Yes

No

No

No

No

Yes

No

No

No

Yes 

No

No

No

Yes

Yes 

Yes

I want to zone in on question #4 - Have you ever been hurt (physically or emotionally) by this person? If you were drawn to this blog post, my guess is your answer is “Yes.” Seize this opportunity to reflect on how this person makes you feel. This stirs up some emotions, but the exercise helps you come to terms about whether you need to be in this relationship, whether the relationship is family-related, platonic, or intimate. 

When you reflect on (and are honest with yourself) this relationship and this person (or persons), are you enraged? Does the rage consume you? If so, do not ignore these feelings, because that is your intuition speaking to you. Your intuition speaks to you in different ways. Your intuition tells you what you need to know about someone, but you must be willing to listen and you must be aware of how your intuition speaks to you. If you have a lump in your throat, that is your higher power (i.e. intuition) telling you to get the hell out of a situation. 

Sometimes we do not realize the damage we do to ourselves when we invite in negativity. In my case, I invited in permanent damage. IC cannot be reversed. Tolerating the abuse was not worth it, and I am hopeful this blog opens your eyes to that. The whole reason I am writing a self-help book is to make you become more aware of how negativity is harmful. For the most part, we do not realize how certain behaviors impact us, such as tolerating abuse from a friend, family member, spouse, whoever. 

Was tolerating abuse worth developing IC? Hell no. Keep me in mind the next time you accept abuse.