Women and men are incredibly different. We process information differently. We do NOT think alike. Frankly, I’m in awe that women and men live under the same roof for decades and continue to love each other. HOW do we do it?

Take my husband and me. He loves noise. I need silence like I need food and water. He loves sports. I hate sports, and everything that goes along with any kind of competition that involves a ball. He loves family time. I can do without it. He snores. I don’t. He’s an extrovert. I’m an introvert. He’s laid back. I’m high strung. He eats dinner at 10 pm. I eat dinner at 5 pm.

HOW do we do it? I know the answer. Relationships that last have five defining characteristics.

#1. Unwavering Loyalty

Both parties have been abused and disrespected. They are sick of disrespectful, untrustworthy people, so they cherish a partner who is faithful, respectful, and trustworthy. No matter what happens, both parties remain supportive of one another. They can say what they want about each other, but no one else has that luxury.

#2. Maturity

Both parties have strong emotional intelligence, and they do not set unrealistic expectations for the relationship. Needs change over time, and they are wise enough to recognize when that happens. Neither party is an attention-seeking junkie; therefore, equal respect and admiration is felt and practiced by both people. The more flawed you are, the more intrigued the other person becomes and they continually want to know more about you. Getting to know you better is one of their favorite things to do.

#3. Individualization

Co-dependency does not exist. A couple spends a healthy amount of time together, but both parties branch out and do their own things regularly. Because trust is at the core of the relationship, there is no worry or jealousy during these times. Both have hobbies, friends, and work, and it is understood that these things don’t always have to go together. There’s a time to be together, which is most of the time, but there is also a time to be apart. The relationship has a healthy balance of time together and time apart. However, time apart rarely involves a bar.

#4. Equality

One person does not do all of the work. Both parties contribute equally to the relationship. When two people respect each other enough they are always on equal playing ground. Worn out gender roles do not apply when true equality is present. Furthermore, the relationship is not a competition. One person wins, the other helps them celebrate, because the relationship is free from jealousy and comparisons.

#5. Easy

The relationship is easy even during times of turmoil and challenges. The two of you lean on each other, which makes the relationship stronger. You don’t worry over each other’s whereabouts because your lives are intertwined. Being together is a natural fit, so no one tries hard to make the relationship work. It flows effortlessly. Hard times come and go, but the relationship itself remains easy. The bond you have is so powerful that even the hard times don’t seem so bad. Being together is easier than being apart, and it is mutually beneficial in every way. Your lives are better combined.

I was in the dating world until I was 35. That’s when I met my husband. I had sworn off relationships and was happy being on my own living in my fancy little townhome with my Pekingese. He showed up when I least expected him. I was 38 when we married. On December 25, 2022, I turn 45, so I’ve had many years to compare my past relationships to my present one. Here is what I know.

There are five sure fire signs of failure that are highly transparent when you’re in the wrong relationship.

#1. Put Up a Front

You cannot be yourself around this person. You do not communicate how you really feel, because you don’t want them to see you as anything but super sexy and super fun. If you have a problem, they don’t know about it. As a matter of fact, they are the last person you go to for help. Your approach is not even realistic, but you continue to live a lie.

#2. People Pleasing

You find yourself doing A LOT of shit you don’t want to do, but you keep a smile on your face. Sometimes you feel exhausted after being around the person you’re romantically involved with. They often cause your energy to bottom out and you don’t feel like yourself. You say stupid things, and although you have a great sense of humor your typical wittiness is dormant. People who know you best say things like, “You don’t act like yourself around him/her.” Deep down you think the person won’t like you if they see who you really are.

#3. Relationship is Hard

You worry because your partner’s whereabouts are unknown a lot. When you inquire about where they have been, an argument ensues. Instinctively, you know the person isn’t trustworthy, but you don’t have any proof. This inner knowing manifests into a lump in your throat and the knot in your stomach runs off the butterflies. As time goes by, the relationship gets even harder because they heavily criticize you and you end up mimicking their behavior. Overall, nothing is easy, peaceful, or loving. No matter how much time you spend in the relationship, a commitment is never established.

#4. Superficiality

No matter how much time is spent with this person, the relationship remains superficial. They keep you at arm’s length. You do not really know who this person is, and they do not really know you. Heartfelt conversations are completely absent from the relationship. Quality time is rare, if ever, and the two of you do not ask each other personal questions.

#5. People Warn You

If more than three people warn you about someone, you better listen. The Universe sends messages to us through other people. When you start dating someone new, pay close attention to what other people tell you about them. If you hear the same negative thing more than three times, you need to take a step back and do some digging before you invest real emotions.

One thing I know for absolute certain is this. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t love you. Being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t love you is the same as being alone. You have reached the highest level of emotional growth when you can be alone and be happy. You’ll be a stronger, wiser person because of it. If you are alone, enjoy that space in time. Learn to love yourself. Learn to love your own company. One day, when you least expect it, your equal will show up, and life has you know it will be over. You’ll look back and you’ll be glad you chose to spend so much time with the person you love the most, and that should be YOU.

Relationships are not the focus of my work, but manifestation is. The qualities of the people around you are a direct outcome of how you feel about yourself. We manifest what we think we are, so if you’re in a relationship that has those five sure fire signs of failure you better start seeing yourself in a more flattering light.

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Thank you for reading my article. Please drop any comments or questions you have. I LOVE to hear from you guys!