Looks Matter, Don't Let Anyone Tell You Different

Looks matter. Before you start envisioning how to decapitate me for saying that, I am not making an argument for vanity. I am also not making an argument for obtaining physical beauty based on society’s definition of beauty. What I’m doing here is I am arguing for the people who have been made to feel guilty about wanting to look a certain way. I am arguing for the people who have been bullied for not looking the way people think they should. Plus, I know that a person’s physical appearance can damage their mental state if they are unhappy with their appearance.

Why do looks matter?

Our outer appearance is directly correlated to how we feel on the inside. Think about this for a moment. Think about the celebrities that came to an early demise, such as Elvis Presley, Amy Winehouse, and Whitney Houston. When they first started, they looked healthy and vibrant, but as their demons took the driver’s seat, their physical appearances changed dramatically. The changes were not good because the changes reflected how they felt on the inside. Pay close attention to someone whose physical appearance changes dramatically, which could signify a serious problem.

A happy, healthy, grounded, and abundant person glows on the outside. The person may not fit society’s definition of beauty, but when they walk into a room, everyone still turns around to take a second and probably third look. A highly energetic vibration is associated with feeling and looking good, whereas a low energetic vibration is associated with feeling and looking bad. Whatever is going on internally will eventually surface on the outside, so there is a way bigger picture here than good old-fashioned vanity.

Physical appearance and its relationship with karma.

Everything we put out there to the Universe comes back to us in the form of like energy. I want to tell you a personal story to help you understand where I am coming from.

When I was 18, my parents divorced. It was brutal. Looking back, I was definitely depressed and traumatized, and I flat-out didn’t know it. I wasn’t raised to believe in therapy; no one had ever discussed self-exploration with me. Anyone who went to therapy was considered “crazy” and “weak.” I never thought about therapy, but I desperately needed help.

By the time I was 22, I had put on 80 pounds. I went from a size 6 to a size 16 and was headed towards an 18 when I finally canceled the remaining dates on my self-sabotage tour. Looking great had always brought me joy, and it wasn’t about vanity. It was about taking pride in my appearance, and being 80 pounds overweight was not me.

I was humiliated beyond belief when I weighed 204 pounds, my peak weight. I tried to camouflage the excess 80 pounds for a long time, but I was not fooling anyone. People made cruel comments when I went out in public, which was horrifying. My father was the worst. He told me how good-looking I used to be and made remarks about installing a bigger door to the house so I could get through it. My ex-boyfriend called me “Free Willy in Sequins,” which was his way of connecting my style of dress to my new physique and the animated whale.

Before going to a family function, local bar, or restaurant, I became physically ill from the expectation of humiliation. I dreaded going out in public because I feared the verbal abuse that was bound to happen. The fear turned into shame, and the humiliation trauma was fully in charge of my actions. It was the unhappiest I had ever been. I was grieving over my parents’ divorce because it uprooted my whole life as I had known it, and I was also grieving over losing me.

Instead of dealing with my emotions, I buried them in extra-large pizzas and copious amounts of alcohol. I didn’t look the same because I didn’t feel the same.

Between the ages of 18–25, the emotions that dominated my subconscious were shame, anger, humiliation, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, and insecurity. If I ever felt calm and safe, it was fleeting. Those emotions didn’t stick around long enough to attach to similar energies; therefore, I filled my karma bank with health issues, toxic people, and financial trouble. Something irreversible would have happened if I hadn’t gotten a grip.

Be unapologetic about how you want to look.

Do not let anyone tell you how you should look. You need to look the way you want and the way that makes you feel your absolute best.

When I got a grip, I was about 25. I started with the outside to strengthen my inside. Each time I shed ten pounds, I put a higher vibration out to the Universe. As my body shrank, my soul healed. My health issues subsided, so I felt good again. Instead of insults, I got compliments. And what I thought was bad luck wasn’t bad luck at all. What had happened was that my wallowing in self-pity attracted what appeared to be bad luck.

Losing the weight did not stop the scrutiny and criticisms altogether because my haters disapproved of my restoration of beauty. I looked a little too good and felt too good for some people to handle, and I was accused of taking drugs to lose weight. I had not done that. People also said that I was seeking attention, which was my sole purpose for losing weight. I had not done that either.

The moral of my story is that it doesn’t matter how you look as long as you are happy with your appearance. You will be judged no matter what, so look how you want to, and be unapologetic about it.

If you want plastic surgery to correct something that makes you feel bad, do it.

Want a more curvaceous body? Gain weight if that’s what you want.

Want a thinner frame? Lose weight if that’s what you want.

If you want to wear sequins to a fucking picnic, wear them.

Don’t like the lines on your forehead? Get Botox if you want to get it.

If you prefer being a plain Jane, then be a plain Jane.

Don’t like trendy clothes? Then don’t wear them.

If you want to look a certain way, do whatever you want to do to reach your physical appearance goal. When someone calls you names or criticizes your appearance, you tell them your self-worth does not rely upon their acceptance. I love to say that to haters. It throws them for a loop.

Feeling good should be everyone’s goal because how you feel creates your physical reality. Do not let anyone tell you any different because the moment you believe that you aren’t in control of YOUR life is when you start putting sadness into your karma bank.



Changes in physical appearance can signify trouble if the changes aren’t good. Do not dismiss these types of changes in someone you love. My younger self would have given anything if someone had shown me empathy and compassion, but no one did. A caring, knowledgeable person would have been nice to have around, and the right person could have shined light on why I felt the way I felt. Ultimately, I turned out all right, but not everyone does.

Your Five Takeaways

1. Looks matter because they reflect how you feel on the inside.

2. People will judge your physical appearance no matter what.

3. Do not allow anyone to shame you for wanting to look a certain way.

4. Feeling good is your number one priority.

5. Being ashamed of your physical appearance for long periods will eventually attract things you absolutely do not want.

Thank you for reading my article. I hope it helps you in some way. Please visit my website — www.paulaswope.com — if you like my style. Sign up for my monthly newsletter while you’re there. It’s free and jam-packed with easy-to-use spiritual tools to help you keep that karma bank full of joy, perfect health, and abundance.

Namaste