Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought, “Good Lord, why in the hell did I say all that?” If so, you’re not alone. It’s called oversharing, and it’s way more common than you may think. The good news is I can help you break this habit that stems from (guess what?) trauma. Are you surprised? I’d say you aren’t. Most of our bad habits stem from unprocessed trauma. 

Oversharing isn’t just “talking too much.” It’s a coping mechanism. It typically stems from a deep-seated need to be accepted or a fear of rejection. We spill everything, hoping it’ll bring us closer to someone… but often, we walk away feeling exposed, stupid, and regretful. Or, if you’re like me, humiliated out of your mind! 

It’s a kind of self-abandonment. We cross our own boundaries, hoping to be liked, only to betray our own sense of peace. Usually, in the moment, we're unaware of what's happening. We don't realize what we've done until we finally shut the hell up. I still do this from time to time, but I'm much better than I used to be. I’ll share the technique I used and still use in just a moment. 

When you overshare, people become accustomed to it, and they expect to be entertained by your stories. People love sad stories, and when you overshare, is the information usually good? Not usually. Back in the day, I revealed things about myself that were downright demeaning to make the other person laugh. WTH? Total trauma response. I should’ve just opened every conversation with this: “Hi. I have deep insecurities, and you make me nervous, so will you stand there and listen while I defile myself?” The more I overshared, the more humiliation trauma I brought upon myself. 

Does this resonate deeply with you? Keep reading if it does, because here’s the thing: you can prevent it, and you can learn from it. 

One of the most powerful tools to prevent this is Preparation. 

Prepare your answers for situations that tend to make you overshare—such as nosy relatives, your work environment, awkward social events (which was always my trigger), and even first dates. When you rehearse calm, clear responses ahead of time, you reclaim your power. You’re way less likely to be caught off guard. 

Think about situations where you tend to overshare. When I thought about these situations, I identified three: awkward social events, conversations with someone who has no personality, and being asked about my father. Identifying my triggering environments created an awareness, and as you know, awareness is the foundation of all change. Become aware of what causes you to say too much, and you’re ten steps ahead of the situation. 

So, start here: Identify the spaces that cause diarrhea of the mouth. Then, think about the people who always pry and the questions they tend to ask. List their typical prying questions one by one and come up with new answers, answers that won’t make you hate yourself later. 

I go into these situations with prepared, rehearsed answers. I don't get caught up, and I feel so much better afterwards. The last time I was really caught off guard was at a wedding a couple of years ago, when several people asked me about my relationship with my father. It was a bunch of freaking nosy people who didn't give a damn about me or how I was doing, and thank goodness I caught myself within a millisecond of spilling my guts. From that moment on, I started preparing instead of oversharing. 

So, the next time someone asks something that makes you feel flustered or triggered, you’re not caught off guard—you’re grounded. You’re in control. It’s entertaining to watch those nosy ones squirm when they don’t get what they want from you. 

Remember: you don’t owe anyone your life story just because they asked a question. People will fish for information. Don't let them catch you. And always keep in mind that if they’re fishing, they’re repeating. Unfortunately, not everyone is nice. 

Your peace is sacred. Protect it. Prepare. Don't overshare.