Some of you may know I recently pulled the plug on my self-publishing contract. I am pursuing a traditional publishing deal with a major publishing company. My second book, Say It IS So: Speak Your Best Life Into Existence, is now on hold. I have received tons of questions about Say It IS So and that motivated me to share a chapter from the book! Below you will find Chapter 3. I selected this chapter because it contains a self-reflective exercise about what type of speaker you are. Did you know the way you speak creates both good and bad karma? Well, it does. Keep reading to find out why this happens and how this works in everyday life. 

CHAPTER THREE

Individualized Assessment of Your Daily Speaking Patterns

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind…what we sow is what we reap.

Now, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty. The quote above refers to karma, and the Law of Cause and Effect as explained by metaphysics expert, Deepak Chopra. The Law of Cause and Effect is one of the 12 spiritual laws, and you will learn all about those in Chapter Six. Based on conversations with various folks throughout the years, in conjunction with my metaphysics studies, I have picked up on something. Most people refer to karma as what happens to others when they do wrong. Do you realize we can also attract negative karma to ourselves? This is the reason why I was scared when I realized the damage I had caused when I convinced other people about how bad my life was. I created a bank full of bad karma through negative self-talk and trashy language about myself to others. 

Cause: Constantly talking about what I didn’t want. 

Effect: Getting what I didn’t want became a relentless pattern. 

Solution: Developing a self-awareness of how I spoke and changing my language to reflect what I wanted. 

“Karma is the eternal assertion of human freedom…Our thoughts, our words, and deeds are the threads of the net which we throw around ourselves.” Reflecting back on how I used to talk, the threads of my net were made of sewage, giardia parasites and throw in some pork tapeworms and brain-eating amoeba. Problem was I was raised to talk this way; therefore, I thought it was normal. Now, I realize using trashy words are just exactly like empty calories. I compare the way I used to speak to eating a bag of potato chips. Becoming aware of the low-energy language I was using is how I conquered this lifelong habit. You are going to do the same thing, so here we go. 

First, we need to zone in on what kind of speaker you are. I have broken down the different types of speakers into eight categories. We’ll start with the low energy speakers. 

Debbie Downer. Saturday Night Live did a skit about a character named Debbie Downer. Although the skits were hilarious, Debbie Downer was an extremely low-energy person. She engaged in gloom and doom conversations and never had anything positive to say or any good news to report. Her energy rubbed off on anyone she was around, and her friends never felt good or uplifted while being in her presence. Her conversations were about the worst-case scenarios anyone could possibly imagine. She continuously talked about the serious illnesses she had. She focused on death and despair and talked about nothing but sadness and disappointment. If you tell a Debbie Downer your good news, they will attack it with a worst-case scenario. These speakers feel like a sad story is more entertaining than a happy story, and they thrive off negativity and drama. They desperately seek other Debbie Downers to feed off. 

One Upper. The one upper brags. If someone tells a story or says they did something, the One Upper comes in and tries to top whatever it is the other person has said. You cannot tell the One Upper anything about yourself without them overtalking you with a way more exciting story. For instance, you tell a One Upper you bought a new pair of shoes. Their response is likely going to be that they bought ten pair of new shoes. You tell the One Upper you are going on vacation to Florida, and they are going to say they are going on vacation, too, but their vacation destination is going to be way more expensive and luxurious than your trip. Everything about the One Upper is bigger and better, and they are controlled by their egos. One Uppers are low-energy, attention seeking people, and the loudest ones in the room. Their inner circle is large. They are not picky about who they keep company with. These speakers do not know self-awareness. They are oblivious to how they behave. 

Complainer. The complainer is relentless. They try to convince their listener they are a victim in every situation in their lives. This person rarely has any good news to report. Instead, they constantly talk about how bad their lives are, but take no responsibility for their shortcomings. The Complainer is an energy thief, and they take inordinate amounts of your time talking about their problems if you allow it. Furthermore, if you have good news, they may not say anything. This person will skip right past whatever good news you have and continue talking about their problems. Common conversations usually entail talking about issues at work, conflict with family, and relationship dysfunctions with their significant others. The Complainer rarely inquires about your life. The focus is on them. 

Actor. The actor is usually popular and has more friends than the Debbie Downer, the One Upper, and the Complainer. Their downfall is they do not have control of their emotions and the least little thing sets them off. The Actor is associated with a lot of drama and crying over things that don’t really matter. The Actor is like the Complainer, but this person does occasionally have good stories to tell. They will also listen to you when you have something to say and are less likely to diminish your thoughts. However, this person prays on the bleeding-heart personality. They need someone to listen intently for hours about the drama in their lives. Don’t be surprised if the Actor keeps you on the telephone for 2-3 hours while they cry and talk about some drama-fueled situation. True to their classification, the Actor loves an audience. They are attention-seeking individuals that thrive off chaos and drama. They will do their best to pull you in, but they do not intend to hurt you. The Actor is clueless and has no ill will. They simply need you to believe they are an innocent victim forced to endure abuse from everyone around them. The Actor has a large circle of friends. They will let almost anyone in. 

Self-Diminisher. Contraire to other types of speakers, this person does not blame anyone for their misfortunes. Instead, they beat themselves up over everything. The Self-Diminisher is associated with low emotional intelligence because they have little control over their emotions. This person always speaks negatively about themselves, and heaven forbid they accept a compliment. The Self-Diminisher never accepts a compliment. When paid a compliment, they give the person giving the compliment every reason to take that compliment back. They repeatedly say things like, “I am not good enough. It’s all my fault. I’m too stupid to succeed. I’m too ugly. No one will ever want to marry me.” The Self-Diminisher stops at nothing to convince their listener that they are indeed garbage, and they are always comparing themselves to others. Their self-worth often relies on another person’s acceptance. 

Let’s move on to the higher energy speakers. 

Mirror. The Mirror is the person people tend to consult when they have a problem. This type of speaker has all the right things to say and knows how to eloquently frame arguments without hurting the listener’s feelings. The Mirror has an innate ability to give advice based on instinct and this individual is usually wise with a high level of emotional intelligence. They rarely talk about themselves to others, and they do not under any circumstances talk about their achievements. Admirable qualities, no doubt, but the Mirror doesn’t talk about themselves enough. This person is selfless and has no desire to draw attention to themselves. This person wants to provide a safe place for people to vent, and the advice that is given is like holding up a mirror for the person they are talking to. The Mirror tends to put the needs of others first. This speaker is kind and compassionate and has an enormous amount of empathy. This is a positive person to be around, but the Mirror needs to pay more attention to themselves. 

Hope-Giver. The Hope-Giver rarely complains or has anything negative to say about themselves or others. Conversations with this person involve uplifting ideas, motivation, and most people feel better after being in the presence of a Hope-Giver. The Hope-Giver is a realist, and they have been through their fair share of tough times, but they have no tolerance for any wallowing in negativity. The Hope-Giver shares their sad stories for one reason and one reason only – To help the other person become aware of something. This person is respected by many, but their inner circle is small. They have learned the more people they allow in, the higher the risk for negative conversations. The Hope-Giver is funny and has a lot of cool stories and experiences to share, but they do not dominate any conversation. These speakers are usually successful, admired, and trusted. They allow no one to steal their energy. 

Old Soul. The Old Soul rarely talks when in a crowd, so if they say something listen. This person is wise and has the highest level of emotional intelligence. The Old Soul does not associate closely with large numbers of people. They are close with few, and if they are close with someone it is because that person has proved themselves to be trustworthy. When in the presence of an Old Soul, you feel good, relaxed, safe, and confident. Although the Old Soul doesn’t engage in idle chit chat (they hate small talk), they can sense if someone needs an empathetic ear. They are great listeners and are known for giving solid advice when asked. The Old Soul never offers unsolicited advice. They do not make assumptions about people. It would not be uncommon for an Old Soul to enter a room, and everyone turns around to look twice, maybe three times. This person is charismatic, always looks their best, and they respect themselves wholeheartedly. They have a soothing energy about them that makes people feel good. After speaking with an Old Soul, you want to be a better person. The Old Soul is the quietest person in the room, and often misunderstood. You may think this person is aloof at first, but they aren’t. They are silent until they have something worth saying. The Old Soul chooses their words wisely and they do not engage in cheap language about themselves or anyone else. If you want to gossip and talk trash, go sit by the One Upper or the Complainer. The Old Soul will not welcome you in, and they have an intuition that spots low energy people right away. 

After studying the different types of speakers, which category do you fit into? The following questionnaire will help you figure out where you stand. Be completely honest with yourself. No one needs to know your results. Also, if you happen to identify with a speaker like the One Upper, that is OK. I used to be the Complainer, the Actor, the Self-Diminisher, and the One Upper all rolled up into one disguised as a confident, well put together sharp dresser. At 45 years old, I categorize myself between the levels of Mirror and Hope-Giver. I am living proof any negative behavior can be reversed. The only thing in this world that is irreversible is death, so don’t beat yourself up if you fall into one of the more negative categories. This is a self-growth exercise, and you will be stronger for participating in it. 



1. In conversations, do you overtalk the other person? Yes/No 
2. Do you criticize yourself to others? Yes/No 
3. Do you engage in negative self-talk? Yes/No 
4. Do you associate with large amounts of people? Yes/No 
5. When someone tells you good news, do you say something to bring them down? Yes/No 
6. Do you graciously accept compliments? Yes/No 
7. Do you talk about your problems to others? Yes/No 
8. Do you talk about your good fortunes to others? Yes/No 
9. Do you express gratitude regularly? Yes/No 
10. Are you a good listener? Yes/No 
11. Do people come to you for advice? Yes/No 
12. Do you offer unsolicited advice? Yes/No 
13. Are you eager to express your opinion? Yes/No 
14. Do you argue with people regularly? Yes/No 
15. Do you pay people compliments? Yes/No 
16. Are you happy for people with good fortunes? Yes/No 
17. Do you get drunk and call or text people? Yes/No 
18. If the answer is yes to the question above, do you regret this the next day?  Yes/No 
19. Are you a gossiper? Yes/No 
20. Are you a trusted person within your inner circle? Yes/No 
21. Do you think of things to say to hurt people? Yes/No 
22. Do you think of things to say that are uplifting? Yes/No 
23. When you help someone, do you anticipate a reward? Yes/No 
24. Do you keep secrets? Yes/No 
25. Do you exploit a person’s downfalls? Yes/No 
26. Do you have empathy for others? Yes/No 
27. Do you set expectations for a person’s behaviors? Yes/No 
28. Are you a happy person? Yes/No 
29. Are you a sad person? Yes/No 
30. Are you a jealous person? Yes/No 
31. Do you try to outdo people? Yes/No 
32. Are you a loud person? Yes/No 
33. Are you a quiet person? Yes/No 
34. Do you cry a lot? Yes/No 
35. Do you talk on the phone for hours? Yes/No 
36. Do you laugh a lot? Yes/No 
37. Are you judgmental of others? Yes/No 
38. If the answer to the question above is yes, do you discuss your judgements of others with other people? Yes/No 
39. Do you interrupt people when they are talking? Yes/No 
40. Has someone ever told you that you hurt their feelings? Yes/No 
41. If the answer to the question above is yes, has this happened a lot?    Yes/No 
42. If someone tells you they love something, music or whatever, do you attack their opinion? Yes/No 
43. If someone tells you they love something, whatever it may be, if you don’t share their love for this thing, are you still respectful during that conversation?   Yes/No 
44. Is your go-to thought pattern focused on worst-case scenario?  Yes/No 
45. Is your go-to thought pattern focused on best-case scenario?  Yes/No 
46. Have you been told you have diarrhea of the mouth? Yes/No 
47. Have you been told you are a great person to talk to? Yes/No 
48. Do you use positive affirmations? Yes/No 
49. Do you believe you are deserving of the best? Yes/No 
50. Do you realize your words have power? Yes/No 
51. Do you know your words create the world you live in? Yes/No 
52. Do you believe the Universe is always listening to you? Yes/No 
53. Were you raised in a negative environment? Yes/No 
54. Are the people that raised you gossipers? Yes/No 
55. Are the people that raised you complainers? Yes/No 
56. Do the people that raised you fall into any of the negative speaker categories?    Yes/No 
57. Is your inner circle small? Yes/No 

Answering these questions honestly should make you keenly aware of what type of speaker you are and how much negativity needs to be reversed. If your answers reflect the characteristics of a negative speaker, odds are you speak this way because someone taught you to speak this way. It’s not your fault. If you didn’t seek change, you wouldn’t be reading this book. My next statement is based on the assumption that you want to become a better version of yourself. If you are disappointed with your answers, great! This means you now have an awareness of how you talk. Reversing this way of speaking starts right here and now, so keep reading. Chapter 5 brings you a step-by-step guide of how to reverse the habit of speaking negatively, but first you must learn the science behind this practice.