Naomi Judd was my inspiration for this blog post. May she rest in the peace she couldn’t find here on earth. 

Flashback to 1985. On one wall of my bedroom, Tina Turner sat on high and looked down low in her black plunging neckline bodysuit. To her left, Prince very seductively gazed upon my pink canopy bed from his purple motorcycle. After I heard “Rockin’ with the Rhythm of the Rain,” Tina and Prince had to make room for two big haired Eastern Kentucky white chicks named Wynonna and Naomi. 

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the Judds on K-93. K-93 was our wildly popular country music radio station in Eastern Kentucky. 

Here comes that fierce voice out of Wynonna… 

Sittin' in the porch swing

Listenin' to the light rain

Beatin' on the tin roof

Baby, just a me and you

Rockin' with the rhythm of the rain

Slide on over

Baby hold me closer

Movin' to and fro

Just swayin' like a slow freight train

Rockin' with the rhythm of the rain

So let the breeze keep blowin'

And here comes Mama with that soft southern twang… 

Rockin' with the rhythm of the rain that's fallin'

Night birds are singin' the crickets are callin' 

Back to me. 

And, oh my heart, was never the same after hearing The Judds, especially when I learned they were from Eastern Kentucky. My love affair with the mother daughter duo began 37 years ago. I loved everything they did, but it wasn’t just their music I loved. I loved their story. I loved the fact they were women born and raised in a poverty pocket that escaped the holler and accomplished massive success. Back then, that was rare, very, very rare for rural women. 

Growing up in rural country is difficult for most women, especially for Naomi Judd’s generation of women. Naomi became a mother before she was ready. She concealed abuse. She took it all on because she felt like she had to. She sucked it up like us rural chicks are taught to do. It’s a “get over it” type of mentality. I viewed Naomi and Wynonna as two women who escaped this ignorant madness. They were my childhood role models, and I viewed their lives as being way better than mine. What I didn’t know was they were dealing with internal struggles that far exceeded any problems I thought I had. 

Being born and raised in the same part of the country as Naomi and Wynonna, I know how rural women are raised to think. Seeking therapy is not the norm. There is a stigma attached to mental illness, and women are often shamed into hiding their mental struggles. I have sat back and watched the women in my family continuously not get what they want, because they were raised to believe that what others thought of them was more important than what they thought of themselves. The result is the development of an unswayable negative mindset that starts in childhood and plagues the woman throughout her entire life. We are taught to put ourselves second, because putting our needs and wants first is selfish. 

When I heard the news about Naomi’s devastating demise, I was flooded with thoughts about her socialization. I knew some of her story and was somewhat aware of her struggles with mental illness. Now, it’s two weeks after her death, and I know a lot more than what I did before she took her own life. Although I don’t understand why she did what she did, and even though I can’t relate to it, I still admire her openness about mental illness. It took a lot of courage to speak out the way she did, and I commend her bravery. 

For a woman socialized to believe that mental illness is something to be ashamed of, she was still willing to tell her truth for the purpose of helping someone else. Her vulnerability was evidential proof that she didn’t fall victim to any lies she was told to believe as a child and young adult. She did not keep her struggles a secret, and that is an admirable quality for any rural woman to have. 

My work as a spiritual teacher, self-help author, and empowerment coach is to bring awareness to behaviors that kill our manifestation abilities, and one of those behaviors is comparing ourselves to those we perceive as better than us. Naomi’s unfortunate circumstances provide an opportunity to see why we shouldn’t compare our lives to others. Comparing ourselves to another person sets us up to feel inadequate, because we judge another person’s life as being “better” than ours. Facts are none of us know what’s really going on with another person. They may appear to have it all, so we make the fatal mistake of judging. 

Clearly, Naomi had it all so to speak. She was the epitome of physical beauty. When I first saw her, I thought she was as beautiful as Elizabeth Taylor. She appeared to be the epitome of a strong woman. She had achieved success on a global scale. She had all the riches in the world. Naomi gave birth to two of the most famous women ever! She was loved by her husband and adored by her fans. One may think, “Why wouldn’t people envy her?” 

Look at the human being herself not the country music legend. Clearly, there are aspects of Naomi Judd that none of us would want. Her spotlight shined on the entertainer, not the real woman. Depression doesn’t sparkle quite like sequins do under the bright lights. 

Naomi Judd is a prime example of why we should never be jealous of anyone or be resentful of what another person has. We have no idea what their big picture looks like. The inner work I had to do to get to where I am today involved empathy exploration. I had to learn the importance of empathy and the impact empathy had on my emotional intelligence. When a twinge of jealousy, disappointment, or hatred comes over you during times of comparing yourself to another person, activate your empathy button. Think this thought, “They are human, too. They have struggles, too.” 

I do not have the proper initials after my name to talk about suicide or to give any kind of advice about suicide, so I am going to stick with what I know and what I’m qualified to provide counsel on. Things aren’t always what they seem. Keep this in mind when you fall into a trap with comparing your life to another person’s. Think about Naomi Judd when you are tempted to judge a person’s circumstances. 

Learning how to activate your empathy button raises your vibration to match that of miracles. The more you feel empathy versus a low vibe emotion, the closer you are to your manifestations presenting themselves in physical form. Here’s some helpful tips. 

Scenario: You see a woman carrying an expensive handbag you want but can’t afford. Jealousy creeps in and you start comparing your life to her life. 

Shift: Shift your thinking. Admire the beautiful bag and consider complimenting her excellent taste in fashion. Extend kindness and be mindful that an expensive handbag is just that. It’s an expensive handbag, and nothing more. The expensive handbag does not mean her life is anywhere near perfect. 

Scenario: You envy someone’s physical beauty. 

Shift: Think about how hard that person works to look good. Feel an appreciation for their work ethic and determination. Be mindful of how much effort is put into physical beauty. Do not make assumptions about the quality of a person’s life or their story based on what they look like. The beautiful ones have the same struggles as everyone else. 

Scenario: You are resentful of someone’s good fortune. Someone won the lottery, and you are resentful of how they acquired millions. 

Shift. It doesn’t matter how abundance flows to anyone. Abundance flows to all of us in different ways, so put a stop to any kind of thinking that resembles this: 

They didn’t work for that money, so they don’t deserve it. 

Instead of thinking that way, be mindful of how many people may benefit from their good fortune. Be thankful for the constant flow of energy because that’s all money is. Money is energy and if your energy matches that of money you’ll always have it. Know that the Universe is an equal opportunity employer, and that you can have the same level of abundance. When you view someone as undeserving, the Universe matches that energy. Shift your thinking to a thought that attracts good fortune to you instead of thinking about things that deter good fortune. 

Long story short…Small shifts in thinking lead to big miracles. When you become aware that comparing yourself to others is an act that deters miracles, you’ll start activating your empathy button more often.