In my situation, the women who suffered in my family carried that suffering like a family tradition. They kept passing it on and passing it on. I selected a story from my book to share with you about my great grandmother, Christine. Her toxicity trickled down to negatively impact my grandmother (Rose), my mother, and then me. A toxic environment resulted in generations of women not getting the lives they wanted and deserved. As you read the following excerpt, think about the toxic people in your life. Did you learn behaviors from them? Do you model their behaviors? Odds are, you do. 

The following two paragraphs are one scene, one tiny moment of my grandmother’s (Rose) life. The story is disturbing, but I am intentionally telling you this so that you get a glimpse of the torture Rose endured while being Christine’s caretaker. Since this is only two paragraphs from an entire chapter about my mother’s family, you need to know a couple of things before you read. 

When Rose married my grandfather, Henry, she took on the responsibility of taking care of his mother, Christine. Henry told Rose, “Mommy acts a little odd,” but it did not take long for Rose to realize this was a major understatement, possibly even deception. Christine suffered from mental illness, but in the early to mid-1900’s mental illness was not as understood or accepted as it is today. Christine was misunderstood, not diagnosed, and in desperate need of medication, so her abusive behavior was not her fault; however, enduring her abuse was not easy for those it was inflicted upon. 

What started out as an ordinary day turned into a life-changing moment for Rose. Being a talented seamstress, she had gotten some new material to make a dress for herself. She was excited to bring a pattern to life she had found in a magazine a few days prior. Plus, sewing was a creative outlet for Rose. After all, she was sequestered in a house all day with Christine. When Christine laid down to take naps in the afternoon, Rose sewed. That was usually the only time of the day Rose had any peace and quiet. 

Rose was sitting at her sewing machine working on the new dress. Deep in thought and heavily focused on what she was making, she became distracted by the feeling someone was staring at her. She looked up from her sewing machine but saw nothing. An hour later she still felt as though she was being watched. She kept getting glimpses of movement out of her peripheral vision, but every time she looked for someone nothing was there. Suddenly, she heard Christine yell, “ROSE!” 

In the dead silence, Christine’s loud voice jolted Rose and she stood up from her chair quickly. It took Rose a moment to believe what was right in front of her eyes. There Christine stood stark naked. When Christine knew she had Rose’s attention, she started laughing the way she did when she set her baby on fire. Rose stood there in disbelief, frozen, not able to utter a syllable while Christine’s laughter became louder and more hysterical as every second went by. As Rose came to herself and realized exactly what has happening in front of her, she noticed Christine had shaven her beautiful head full of cold black hair, including her eyebrows, pubic hair, all of it. While Rose thought Christine was taking a nap, Christine had been shaving her body hair completely off and calculating another evil tactic to terrify Rose. 

 

The reason I selected these two paragraphs from my book is I want you to think about how damaging it is for a person to live in a toxic environment, day in and day out. Think about how a toxic environment molds our personalities and shapes our behaviors. Do you think Rose was a happy person? That is a rhetorical question, obviously, but sometimes we do not realize we have been molded and shaped in a toxic environment until we hear someone else’s story.