In my opinion, people pleasing causes more irritability and frustration than anything else in the world. When you allow another person to take your time and drain your energy you are sending negative messages to the Universe about who you are and what you want. Let me provide an example. I have a close friend that wants to talk on the phone for two – three hours at a time. During those calls, my time is spent holding the phone. She rarely asks any questions about my life. Instead she talks excessively about the things that are wrong in her world, so it turns into a two-three hour complaining fest. She asks for advice, and I give it, but she never takes the advice. She continues to do the same things over and over expecting a different result, and these behaviors have exasperated me for years. Now, I only agree to calls seldomly. 

I used to dread talking to her on the phone, because the conversations were a total waste of my time. Plus, by the time the conversation ended I felt like I had been in the boxing ring with Mike Tyson. My energy was drained, and I was highly irritated. Basically, I used to allow her to waste my time in fear that she would get angry with me if I did not talk to her on the phone. I gave her what she needed instead of giving myself what I needed. I am an introvert who craves silence and peace. I do not get my energy from others. People drain my energy. Alone time and silence are essential to my health and well-being, so why would I sacrifice that to please someone else? 

We are all guilty of sacrificing our needs to please another person. I was especially prone to this behavior when I associated with toxic people. Toxic people need you. They feed off your energy, and they take every ounce of your energy if you let them and then walk away without remorse in search of another host. 

Back in the day, I was usually guilted into going to happy hour. There was a time I enjoyed happy hour, but after 578 years of sitting on a barstool I grew sick of it. Metaphysics and meditation broke me of several bad habits and binge drinking is one. The toxic crew I hung out with did not care that I suffered debilitating hangovers. They did not care if I had other things I wanted to do. They wanted me there for their entertainment, and foolish me let them steal my energy and my time for many years. And I stayed in a constant state of irritation because of it. 

Being irritable manifested into ridiculous experiences. Every place I went something stupid happened. I did not realize it at the time, but my irritability manifested what I perceived as “bad luck.” If I took a trip, my luggage was lost. I often had embarrassing falls in crowded public places (funny for the onlooker but mortifying for me). Showing up to doctor appointments and not being on their schedules. I always, always, always had head colds. Always. I often got accused of outlandish things that I was not guilty of. I can keep going, but these are a few examples of how irritability manifests negative experiences. 

Learning to say “no” is hard when you are a “yes” person. Once I became aware of the detrimental damages of people pleasing, I started saying “no” more often. Before I understood how the Universe works, I believed doing things we did not want to do was part of life. That is the biggest lie my ego ever told me! Spending time the way you choose is just as important to your health and wellness as a nutritious diet, drinking tons of water, and exercise. 

Are you a “yes” person? Do you people please? If you are not sure, answer these questions below: 

Do you go to parties that you do not want to go to because you are afraid people will get mad at you if you do not go? 

Do you go along with everything your boss says even though you do not agree with him or her? 

Do you play with kids to please them even though playing with kids makes you miserable? 

Do you drink alcohol with others when you do not want to? 

Do you go to events that you do not like just to please your spouse or significant other? 

Do you give people rides when you do not want to? 

Do you go without sleep when you desperately need it to engage in activities with others that do not interest you? 

If you answered “yes” to these questions, you are spending too much of your time people pleasing, and I bet you are irritated more than you are happy. 

Start saying “no.” And if you have a bad feeling, or a get instinct, that you should not go somewhere then do not do it. Ease into saying “no” more often and keep these following things in mind: 

Every time you do something you do not want to do you are manifesting negative experiences 

People pleasing (aka herding cats) blocks you from manifesting positive things 

Irritability manifests stupid occurrences in your life 

Saying “no” is not selfish, it is self-care 

If people love you, they respect your wishes, and they do not get mad when you tell them “no” 

Saying “no” rids your life of toxic people (they cannot handle it) 

Tell the truth. If you do not want to go somewhere or do something, decline the invitation with eloquence and let the invitee know why. 

Sometimes we do not realize our daily behaviors are holding us back from prospering fully. Hopefully, this blog gives you the information you need to become aware of how often you are people pleasing. And, hopefully, I have given you some tips to help you say “no” more often.