As I write this, I am 44 years old. On Christmas Day, I’ll turn 45. In my 44 years and about 11 months of living, I have learned some serious life lessons. Here is what I wish I had known straight out of the womb.

My Power

I was socialized to believe that I was a victim of circumstance, which led me to believe I was not in control of my life. From as early on as I can remember, I hunkered down to authority. If an adult told me to do something, I did it, whether I wanted to or not. I listened to adults that were completely screwed up and allowed their ideologies to seep into my subconscious mind.

Well, ideologies, my ass. I was told straight up lies. What I didn’t know back then was those lies became my truth, and those lies controlled my behaviors until I figured it all out. Now, I know that everything I thought, said, felt, and did between the ages of early childhood through roughly 30 years old, created my physical world.

Instead of forcing me to work in jobs I loathed, the people that were responsible for my socialization should have told me about quantum physics and the law of attraction. Instead of teaching me to be afraid of everything and to worry, they should have warned me about the dangers of living in fear, but they encouraged it. Instead of telling me I couldn’t pursue my dreams, they should have built me up so that I could have. Instead of feeding me fast food, they should have taught me about the importance of nutrition and living a long, healthy life.

I can keep going, but the main takeaway here is I was disempowered. No one ever told me about my power. Ever. Thank God, I figured it out on my own.

No One is Better than Me

In my household, there was a hierarchy. I was raised to believe that some people are blessed or lucky and others are simply destined for disaster. Since I was raised by people who felt like they were on the destined for disaster side, I viewed people who had wealth and success as being way better than me.

Before I became enlightened, any job I ever had there was a hierarchy, a strict, rigid hierarchy. So, before my brain was fully developed, I felt like I had to hunker down to people that were higher up on the hierarchy. In childhood, I took this very seriously, and my teachers gave me great anxiety because I felt incredibly inferior in their presence. I behaved this way in my platonic and intimate relationships, and this resulted in me getting involved with low-energy people that did not have my best interests at heart.

Instilling those types of belief systems is ridiculous, and I might piss you off with what I’m getting ready to say here. People should not entertain the notion of bringing kids into this world if they can’t do a better job than that. What we learn and how we feel in childhood shapes our entire perception of ourselves and the value we place on our being. Facts are if we don’t love ourselves, we cannot love anyone else, and I believe that should be a parent’s number one priority. Make sure your children love themselves.

I never had any children of my own. Frankly, if I’m being completely honest and I’m in the mood to do that right now, I didn’t want them. Still don’t. I’ve never regretted that decision. But I have two stepchildren. I have told them repeatedly that no one is blessed more than another. Every single person has equal power to mold and shape their physical reality the way they want it. I tell them that every chance I get.

Love yourself. Put yourself first. Don’t believe anyone that tells you it’s wrong to be selfish. If you take care of yourself the way you should then you’re selfish. Be selfish. It’s one of the keys to happiness.

Perfect Health is Happiness

On Sunday mornings, there I sat, fat as a little hog waiting on my biscuits and gravy cooked in lard and drizzled in bacon grease. I can still see my nine-year-old self sitting there at the table with the worst perm ever using my biscuit to sop up the gravy. By the time I was 22 years old, my blood pressure was 150/110 and my lifelong struggle with obesity was in full force. To this day, I am still paying for the unhealthy eating habits in more ways than one.

If this is your first time reading my articles, you may not know that I am an expert in the law of attraction. I used it to completely revamp my entire existence. I call my transformation going from havoc to happiness. The number one goal of anyone that lives on purpose is to feel good. When you don’t feel good, your energy matches up with other things that resemble not feeling good. It becomes a dangerous cycle, because before you even realize what has happened you are unhappy. Everything around you are toxic and chaotic, and you cannot seem to make anything work in your favor. Feeling bad for extended periods of time will destroy your life.

What I know now is those years I spent feeling bad manifested into financial struggles, humiliation, abusive friends and boyfriends, toxic work environments, and various health issues. As a matter of fact, I have Interstitial Cystitis (IC) because of enduring abuse for so many years. Health issues do not pop up without a reason, and I’ve learned that external factors such as closely associating with toxic people make us physically sick.

Lesson learned here is do whatever you have to do to feel good. Combine modern medicine (if you need it) with spiritual solutions and you should have the cocktail for perfect health. Eat the gravy and biscuits but keep it to a minimum. Be kind to that toxic person, but don’t let that asshole into your home. If your body tells you something is off, don’t ignore that. Get to the bottom of it.

Fact! You cannot be happy if you do not feel good.

Saying No Isn’t Rude

Fully rehabilitated, former people pleaser here. I can speak on this. Because I was raised to believe I was at the bottom of the hierarchy, I felt like I had to constantly prove myself and that involved saying “yes” to everything. People pleasing is bullshit and it is an action that robs you of peace. I consider peace and happiness to be interchangeable terms because you cannot have one without the other.

Insecure people are people-pleasers. Insecurity makes us feel like we have to say “yes” to everything for people to like us and accept us. What I know now without a shadow of a doubt is this. The right people will like you and accept you no matter what. If you say “no” to someone and they treat you poorly, that’s your sign to keep that person at arm’s length or do not associate with them at all.

Saying “no” to things that make me miserable is essential to my happiness and to my physical and mental well-being. Saying “no” to things you don’t want to do is an effective strategy to protect your feel-good energy. You cannot put a price tag on your feel-good energy, and if you knew how big of a role those feel-good vibes play in what your day-to-day world looks like you would never jeopardize your feel-good vibes.

Saying “no” doesn’t cost one dime. Our time and our energy are the most valuable things in this world. It’s our responsibility to guard those sacred gifts at all costs. We cannot allow just anyone to infiltrate our precious energy space. Sometimes the simple act of saying “no” is a cure-all.

Do Not Chase After Anyone

Intimate relationships can get really complicated, especially when one person is in love and the other one isn’t. Here’s the deal.

Relationships that are meant to be are easy. Relationships that aren’t meant to be are hard.

Read that sentence again.

If you haven’t heard from someone in this day and time, that means they do not care enough to contact you. Between smart phones, email, and social media, there is absolutely no excuse for the silent treatment. The only forgiveness for the silent treatment is in the case of emergencies. If the person you are dating or married to doesn’t answer your call or text on a regular basis, do not make excuses for them.

I am a heterosexual female that was in the dating world for roughly 20 years, and I am here to tell other heterosexual females this…

DO NOT CHASE AFTER A MAN.

Men want to do the chasing. The more you chase the more unattractive you become. Sorry, not sorry, it’s true.

I do not care what year it is or how progressive this world has become. Never drive to meet a man, especially if your relationship is new. Set the bar for who you are right off the bat and make him pick you up.

Giving it up quickly, and you know what I’m talking about, demystifies your whole being. Make him wait. Sustain the mystery of your essence. View having sex with you as you would a trophy. We must work for trophies. We must prepare to win a trophy, sometimes for months.

Trust is the key to any healthy relationship. When you’re dating someone, you know right away if they can be trusted. If you cannot trust them, do not even think about marrying them. There’s a test if you doubt someone’s trustworthiness. Does he leave his phone in highly visible places or does he keep it close to his chest? The phone is the cheater’s haven. If his phone is concealed, watch your back.

Rely on Your Intuition

Intuition tells us everything we need to know. Asking other human beings for advice is counter-productive, especially if you’re asking someone who knows you well. There is no way they can give you an unbiased opinion, so go straight to your source. When in doubt about someone or a situation, go within and pay close attention to how you feel. For instance, if you get an icky feeling about someone, do not ignore that. Steer clear of that person.

Meditation strengthens our intuitive abilities. I practice Transcendental Meditation. Check out tm.org if you’re interested in learning more.

Conforming is Living in Fear

Do you work in a job you hate just to make enough money to get by? That’s conforming. When we conform because we feel like we must, we are living in fear. Anytime I reluctantly conformed, I cut off my air supply. Nothing good ever came from it. Refusing to conform was the best thing I ever did for myself, but it was the opposite of what I had been taught. It took years to figure out the key to happiness, and that’s the law of attraction. When I realized I could see my way out of misery, I was unstoppable.

Don’t conform if you don’t want to. You can create any type of lifestyle you want by daydreaming about it consistently. Seek a spiritual solution if you’re unhappy with conforming, and daydreaming is a spiritual tool that has powerful cumulative effects. Daydreaming about what you really want is more effective with getting what you want than working in a dead-end job punching a time clock each day making someone else’s dream come true. Make your own dreams come true. The money will flow.

I designed a 30-Day Manifestation Challenge that will help you navigate through the process of becoming a non-conformer. Check it out right here — Paula Swope Manifesting Challenge | Say It IS So.

I hate to see people suffer when they don’t have to, and that’s why I do the work that I do. My upbringing nearly destroyed me, but I overcome it. You can, too. If you like my style, consider visiting www.paulaswope.com and sign up for my newsletter while you’re there. Also, I was recently published in the “Law of Attraction Magazine,” and I would love for you to check that magazine out! Here’s the link to the Winter 2022 publication — Nov._Dec. 2022 Law of Attraction Magazine by Jewels — Flipsnack.

This is a lengthy article, so I appreciate you taking the time to read it. If anything I wrote helps you in some way, I would LOVE for you to drop a comment, clap, highlight, or all of the above. Thank you.